Studies, work, life

Feeling rather confused lately.

Sometimes I wonder if I really know what I want out of life. The one thing I know for sure, is that I want to be happy. But as simple a concept as that seems, reality is that happiness is the most abstract of concepts.

Earlier on I talked about how I didn't want to settle for second best. At that point of time, I really was determined to change the course of things. But as I thought about it, I started to wonder if that's really what I wanted.

Or maybe I'm just afraid. How if after all the hard work I've put in and after all these years, I realised that that's not the direction I want to be going in?

I know how fickle minded and easily swayed I am. If I love doing something, I'd put my heart and soul into it. If I really wanted to do something, it'd have to be perfect. But the moment it starts to conflict with my beliefs or values, I'd start to have second thoughts about it.

It'd be easier to choose if there was a clear margin between the two, but fact is I really do love both subjects. Just that one slightly more than the other. But I don't know if it's impractical to just pursue something purely for the sake of passion.

It's scary to be going after something just because of passion. Because if one day the reason why you love your job is gone, you'd be left with nothing. Or if you realise that this isn't what you really want.

Sigh. But yea, I guess everything in life comes with risks and I'd just have to decide for myself.

Anws, recently I was searching for my hair dye online amongst many other stuff and..eureka! An idea struck me! Instead of me sitting at home spending my time and money buying stuff online, I should put my time to something more productive like opening a blogshop or starting an internet biz of some kind!

So now I kinda have something productive to do during my holidays~ yay to me. It'd be good too since I really hate working for people and getting bossed around. Not to mention I'm rather picky about my working environment and the people I'm working with ._.

Whichhhhh, brings me to my next point. I know starting a blogshop/internet biz isn't easy so I'm kinda like trying to find someone to join me..and since I'm picky about the people I work with......you can guess that really isn't going so well lol.

In my defence, you really can't blame me. I wouldn't want to just work with a friend because the person's my friend. Like you know how some ppl are great friends, but when it comes to project work (or anything that needs them to put in effort) you wish they would just disappear from your life?! Maybe I just have trust issues, but like I've mentioned, if I want to do something I need it to be perfect. Sighh, sooo..yea.

Oh well, maybe the best person to work with is myself hahaha.

And lastly..I think I'm growing old. I'm actually feeling pretty worn out now cause I've been out for 3 consecutive days ._. I think I might even just fall sickkk, cause my body feels pretty hot now x.x

It's always like this whenever I go out too much. I really wonder how I'm gonna deal with going to work in the future. 5 day a week, 8am - 5pm job. I might just collapse and dieeeeeeeee.

Maybe I should just start exercising more hahaha. Or maybeee, I should just be my own boss so I don't need to go to work 5 days a week, 8am - 5pm! Yay.

Hahaha but weirdly though, I don't feel this exhausted during school term ._.

Okae abrupt end, bye.