I wonder what's it's like being alone. I don't mean alone in the literal sense, but being alone as a state of being.

Today I was alone all by myself. My parents had gone to watch the National Day Parade and my sister had gone out with her friends. I had to buy my own dinner; made an advance order with McDonald's which arrived a few minutes before 6pm. I basically spent most of my time alone in my room, only going outside at 9pm to watch the channel 8 show on the TV.

It was just me, alone, in this empty house. And suddenly at that moment, I feel like I've never felt more alone in my life.

It made me wonder how some people can just live alone. I mean, I'm perfectly fine being alone most of the time and in fact I'd rather be alone than with people I'm not really close to or have no interest in making pointless polite conversations with..but just thinking about having to be alone, just scares me.

Abraham Maslow said, "Human beings are conceptualised as social beings, and we need to feel that we are rooted in communities, with ties to family and friends".

I guess that's quite true for me. I don't know how other people feel, so I can't comment on that. But just thinking about being alone with no one there for you is a really scary thought. It almost feels torturous.

You know what the odd thing is though? It's that I'm perfectly fine being alone in my room and I'm in my room 90% of the time, even when people are at home and I'm fine with that. Just knowing that there are people outside is comforting enough.

Don't get me wrong though, I don't always feel the way I felt today whenever I'm alone at home. I guess it was just a sudden realization or a random thought/feeling. But it's still scary nevertheless.

Sigh, if I grow up old and alone I'd probably check myself into an old folks home just so I won't have to be alone lol.