glad. kinda, sorta.

I was just reflecting on life (yes, what else does xinci actually do besides think about life and maybe over think about other stuff sometimes) and I realised I should really be quite grateful for where I am right now. Not literally, but in the sense that life as compared to before, has actually been getting better.

I wouldn't say life is great, but when you've been to rock bottom and can actually remember how it felt like to crash face down straight into concrete, life right now is really considerably better.

I've been told before that I tend to romanticize the past and I guess that's quite true. And because of that I always think that my current life is crappy, often forgetting that I've been through much worse before. Or maybe I just choose to suppress those memories cause even thinking about it now just scares me. To think that one can be so vulnerable and helpless to the things that has happened or will happen and how we can be so completely incapable of being in control of our feelings..that's a really frightening thought.

I don't ever want to be in that place again. Somedays I feel glad that I had made the "right wrong decisions". Cause although it feels so wrong and as much as I believe I've made a mistake, a part of me believes that it might actually have been the safest bet yet.