she mo dong dong??

I've been struggling with this feeling for days now. Something just feels so out of place somehow. How is it even possible for something to feel so wrong, and yet you still can't seem to place a finger on what is it exactly.

It feels like I'm stuck. I don't know what I need to do, or what I even need to get rid of this feeling.

I feel so frustrated. Lately I feel as though I'm running on a treadmill of some sort. It feels like I have to keep going and I can't stop. Everything feels so rushed, so packed, from end to end.

Ironically though, it's the holidays now and I have absolutely nothing to do. Like..really nothing. I don't have to go to work cause somehow the schedule is not out and..............thinking about it just makes me pissed off and I might just go on forever if I even start talking about it, so I shall not even begin.

ndkjidjodkmsdldmleijijsdijdkosklsklssbjdsbjdsjfuiwbefkjefjksdnkdsncjhejnjkdndfjsnjdnkjnjefnjd

That was me letting out all of my pent up frustrations in a string of unintelligible jumble of letters. OKAY, now I shall just take a chill pill, calm down, and..continue figuring out what is it exactly that feels so wrong.

-edit-

Sorry, I just have to rant about one last thing. MY GST REBATE (or lack of it). So yes, if you've met me recently, my current whine (i'm sorry i whine a lot but..?!?! you don't friend me la. you no friend me then me no whine to you) is that I am depressed because I am not entitled to my gst rebate.

While everyone around me is getting 500 bucks, I'm here sitting on my sorry ass with a bank balance of........lets just say if I were to walk on the streets in the middle of the night all alone, also no one will want to rob me.

Gahment say gst rebate is for low and middle income families. Me think me is considered middle income. If me is considered high income then how about those ppl staying in landed properties. How about those ppl staying in Sentosa Cove?! See, there are 3 types of houses (as far as I'm concerned) - HDB, Condo, Landed. And no matter how I see it, condo falls in the middle what, no meh?!

I don't see how the annual value of your house determines your level of income. How about those old ppl that stay with their children in a house with an annual value of more than 21k? They no income leh how? Must leech off their children just cause their children got moneyyy?? So what if the annual value of my house is more than 21k? I still feel broke. As of right now I consider myself low income.

No, scratch that. I don't even have an income. Me is INCOME-LESS. Does that not entitle me to a GST rebate?!! Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy. T______________________T

Okay, I know whining won't change anything..but I feel better after whining whatt. And maybe after this I will not whine to all my friends that I meet already. Yay for you.

ps. money is important, but not to the extent to which i'd force myself to work in a job that i hate (i.e. f&b/retail), just for the sake of it. so for now i'll just suck it up, go to sleep and wake up the next day and hope that..my job schedule is out and i'm slotted in for more upcoming trails??

pps. mummy says i'm lazy but i don't think i am (ok fine i am, but this is not the reason why i refuse to work). if i'm to work, i would only want to work in something i'm passionate about/enjoy doing. if you work just for the sake of money and to fulfill your materialistic wants (working for your basic necessities is a diff story, but i'm not in such a sorry plight yet) i think that's just sad. it makes you a sad person. it's like you're trading your happiness for superficial happiness. which is really quite stupid, considering how you're trading something real (your happiness) for something that's just surface level/superficial.

ppps. okae i should probably stop ranting so much if not i will not be able to fall asleep later on. my brain needs to be calm and chilled so that it can produce alpha waves and take me to dreamland. bye.