Something I wrote 4 years ago.

"i woke up in a state of confusion. i did not know what was the cause of me being awaken. all i saw before me was the bright sunlight streaming in through the half opened windows, the clouds floating pass the azure blue sky. the atmosphere was so peaceful, so perfect. i have not felt this much at ease in so long.

i began to search my surroundings, find the reason for this sudden calmness. yet all i saw were these same four walls. these same four walls which i saw everyday. there were nothing different about them, yet the vibes that bounced of them today, were so different.

it then dawned on me. yes, it was that dream. it was so beautiful, so..normal. yet, normal as it was, it was something that was very unlikely to happen in my life.

it has been more than two years now, yet try as i might, it just seems impossible to erase the memory of him from my mind. every time i hear that song, those images, those memories, would come back to assault me. the pain it caused used to be unbearable. it felt as though my heart was being continuously stabbed by a knife, each mark it left, deeper than the one before.

over time, the pain began to ease, but those memories would still come back to haunt me every now and then. it was not long before i became oblivious to everything that was happening around me, feeling absolutely and completely numb. it felt so surreal, like looking out at the world through the eyes of a doll; having nothing on the inside, yet a smile plastered on the outside.

maybe that was what he saw me as; nothing more then a doll, a toy. something to keep him momentarily entertained, but to be discarded the moment it lost its entertainment value."

Somethings don't change.