Sometimes we ask questions to get the answers we already know but refuse to accept. Maybe much as we know something to be the truth, we still choose to ask anyway, cause deep down we secretly wish with everything we have that it wasn't the case.
Yet in our minds we already have this fix set of answers that we had hoped to hear.
But over time I've came to realise that such questioning is ultimately pointless. If you had to ask, truth is you probably already had the answers. Cause sometimes an absence of an answer is an answer in itself.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Sunday, November 13, 2016
Was just reading an old post which I typed quite a few years back and this question came to my mind: "Are there really bad people or are our actions all just a product of our past experiences?"
So many a time when we see others do something that is not aligned with our morals/beliefs, we as outsiders would tend to judge them. But we fail to ask ourselves this question; "if we've been through whatever they have, would we have done the same thing?"
When we judge others, we often judge them based on our own expectations and our own past experiences. However, the truth is that other people do not share our past experiences and hence they are probably not inclined to think and act the way we do.
I mean, I'm not saying that people who steal are not in the wrong and should be excused from punishment. Yes, people who do things that are "wrong" should be told that they are wrong and we should try and correct their behaviour. But it gets to the point where we start judging them and condemning their actions, does that make us any better of a person?
Take for example someone who stole something at a shop. As an outsider, we would think why did they have to steal? If they needed money, they could work. If most people can do it, why not them? But in actual fact we don't know what they've actually been through.
If we were to really look back, this could really be much more complex of an issue than it seems. Most of us are lucky enough to be born into happy and financially stable families, but what about those that aren't? These people were already at a disadvantage right from the very beginning. And this itself could already be the start of many issues that could probably have contributed to their choice to steal something. Mental stress since a young age, bad company, resentment, lack of proper education, jobs that don't pay enough, etc.
If we all had a choice, I don't think anyone would choose to be a bad person.
Anws, I'm not just talking about people who commit crimes. I'm talking about that insensitive co-worker, that friend who backstabbed you, that scumbag who broke your heart, that stranger who intentionally shoved you. It's the people you meet each day, the people who have lives independent of yours, lives that you weren't a part of and a past you're unaware of.
Just a reminder to myself to not be so quick to judge. Just think of all the times you did something you weren't proud of, all the times you did something which you had to apologise for. Afterall, no one is perfect.
So many a time when we see others do something that is not aligned with our morals/beliefs, we as outsiders would tend to judge them. But we fail to ask ourselves this question; "if we've been through whatever they have, would we have done the same thing?"
When we judge others, we often judge them based on our own expectations and our own past experiences. However, the truth is that other people do not share our past experiences and hence they are probably not inclined to think and act the way we do.
I mean, I'm not saying that people who steal are not in the wrong and should be excused from punishment. Yes, people who do things that are "wrong" should be told that they are wrong and we should try and correct their behaviour. But it gets to the point where we start judging them and condemning their actions, does that make us any better of a person?
Take for example someone who stole something at a shop. As an outsider, we would think why did they have to steal? If they needed money, they could work. If most people can do it, why not them? But in actual fact we don't know what they've actually been through.
If we were to really look back, this could really be much more complex of an issue than it seems. Most of us are lucky enough to be born into happy and financially stable families, but what about those that aren't? These people were already at a disadvantage right from the very beginning. And this itself could already be the start of many issues that could probably have contributed to their choice to steal something. Mental stress since a young age, bad company, resentment, lack of proper education, jobs that don't pay enough, etc.
If we all had a choice, I don't think anyone would choose to be a bad person.
Anws, I'm not just talking about people who commit crimes. I'm talking about that insensitive co-worker, that friend who backstabbed you, that scumbag who broke your heart, that stranger who intentionally shoved you. It's the people you meet each day, the people who have lives independent of yours, lives that you weren't a part of and a past you're unaware of.
Just a reminder to myself to not be so quick to judge. Just think of all the times you did something you weren't proud of, all the times you did something which you had to apologise for. Afterall, no one is perfect.
Friday, November 11, 2016
"It has been said something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world."
Just watched The Butterfly Effect and the
movie really got me thinking. A wistful longing for the unknown hits me,
knowing that my life could have been so different right now if at any point in
the distant past I had chosen to make a different decision from that which I've
made.
I thought about all those seemingly unimportant moments and realised how much potential they had to change the way my life turned out.
Even something as simple as taking up a 1 day temp job had the chance to make a lasting and drastic change in your life's course. Or something as simple as just being at the right (or wrong) place at the right time could mean so many things.
It also made me realise how much impact a single person could cause. So don't ever think you're insignificant, cause without your existence, the lives of those intertwined with yours would not be the same.
The movie was basically about this guy who could go back in time. He kept going back in time because he wanted to save the life of this girl that he liked since young. Each time he changed something in the past, although the present was drastically altered, there were always something else that went wrong. It wasn't until he went back to the time he was born and became..un-born..that things finally turned out well for everyone.
Made me wonder how things would be like for everyone that I've ever met if I never existed haha.
I also thought about a certain person, lets call him x. This x is someone whom I believe played a key role in where I am today. I don't know if I would have been a better or worse person if it weren't for him. But what I do know is that things would really be drastically different, because he unintentionally influenced a lot of my life's decisions during my teenage years. I don't know if he knows how much of an impact he has made lol.
And the most amazing part of it all is that x was someone I could have just as easily not met. I didn't meet him because of some job I took, or some school I went to; us meeting wasn't something that was eventually bound to happen over time. Say for example if x was someone staying in my block, then us meeting wouldn't be all that surprising, cause there were ample opportunities for us to do so.
It was a hit or miss situation for us. I strongly believe that if our paths had not crossed at that exact time it did, we would probably be living lives parallel to each other right now. Or maybe we might still have met, but things just wouldn't be the same. The timing and circumstances at that time played a huge role in making everything fit and it's almost unbelievable to think that I could have been at so many other places at that point in time, but yet there I was and our lives just somehow got intertwined just like that.
It's crazy to think how the events that transpired from that one meeting ended up spiraling into the life that I have today.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Hello.
It's been exactly a year since I last posted here.
1 year ago I posted this and today is the day I officially start work. Obviously I haven't been jobless for a whole year, but the past 9 months didn't feel much like working cause we were still hand held and forced to do things on a routine.
But today, today marks the day that we're finally set free and forced to work on our own. No more spoon feeding, no more people you can run to when you're lost and need help. I kinda miss being able to just go into the adjacent bunk or run a few doors down to seek comfort and solace in the people I'm closest to.
9 months of spending 5 days and 5 nights together, it's sure hard to let it all go and adapt to a whole new way of life. But change is inevitable and who said change had to be bad right?
I should be excited, cause this posting was the exact reason I signed on the line all those months back and those 9 months were the reason I almost didn't. How ironic it all seems now.
Anyways, I'm sure things will work out fine and I'll be fine and we will all be happy. Just feeling pre-work/real life jitters haha.
---
Received a letter regarding my medisave thingy and on it it stated that I'll be 25 on my next birthday. At that moment a thought struck me - I'm old. And it's quite scary to think that I'm going to be in my mid twenties soon and I still don't have much figured out in life. Feels like time is running out. In the past it was always "it's okay if you make wrong decisions, you still have time to make things right and figure things out". But now it's like if I make a wrong decision, I might have just messed up my life for good. And it scares me.
It's been exactly a year since I last posted here.
"At 23, fresh out of university and at a career crossroad, I suppose this would be one of the most important turning points in my life.
Where I choose to go from here would probably dictate the direction that I'd be heading in for the rest of my life. And that's really quite a big deal.
A job to me is something more than just earning a living. I believe a job should be something that you live for as much as it gives you a means to live.
I don't want a mediocre job, I don't want a forced routine, I don't want to be enslaved. I want something that I can look forward to for years to come and not start the countdown clock to my retirement since the first day I start work."
But today, today marks the day that we're finally set free and forced to work on our own. No more spoon feeding, no more people you can run to when you're lost and need help. I kinda miss being able to just go into the adjacent bunk or run a few doors down to seek comfort and solace in the people I'm closest to.
9 months of spending 5 days and 5 nights together, it's sure hard to let it all go and adapt to a whole new way of life. But change is inevitable and who said change had to be bad right?
I should be excited, cause this posting was the exact reason I signed on the line all those months back and those 9 months were the reason I almost didn't. How ironic it all seems now.
Anyways, I'm sure things will work out fine and I'll be fine and we will all be happy. Just feeling pre-work/real life jitters haha.
---
Received a letter regarding my medisave thingy and on it it stated that I'll be 25 on my next birthday. At that moment a thought struck me - I'm old. And it's quite scary to think that I'm going to be in my mid twenties soon and I still don't have much figured out in life. Feels like time is running out. In the past it was always "it's okay if you make wrong decisions, you still have time to make things right and figure things out". But now it's like if I make a wrong decision, I might have just messed up my life for good. And it scares me.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Today I sat by the bus stop, watching the cars and buses go by, wondering how my life would turn out years from now. That scene closely resembled the way life goes by. Looking from afar, you could see all the cars clearly, but as it gets closer and closer, it starts to blur out and eventually when it's right in front of you it just passes by in the blink of an eye.
I guess I've always been a dreamer, always believing that life should be lived like how it's portrayed in the movies. You go through a rough patch, you fall down, get bruised and hurt, but eventually you pick yourself up, learn and grow from your past and eventually it leads you on to something much greater.
At 23, fresh out of university and at a career crossroad, I suppose this would be one of the most important turning points in my life.
Where I choose to go from here would probably dictate the direction that I'd be heading in for the rest of my life. And that's really quite a big deal.
A job to me is something more than just earning a living. I believe a job should be something that you live for as much as it gives you a means to live.
I don't want a mediocre job, I don't want a forced routine, I don't want to be enslaved. I want something that I can look forward to for years to come and not start the countdown clock to my retirement since the first day I start work.
I honestly can't imagine a life like that.
Tuesday, July 21, 2015
#krabipattyparty
Hi world.
It's been a while since I've blogged so here's a short update on my life.
As most of my friends would probably know, I've just recently (unofficially) graduated from uni! "Unofficially" cause the actual graduation ceremony is held next year but I've already gotten my certs and can start applying for jobs and stuff.
So for grad trip we went to Krabi! Highlight of the trip was the super awesome Thai food that we ate at this restaurant called Khow Soy Restaurant.
Yeppp that's about it! Will blog about my Europe and Bangkok trip soon! And I hope I get a job soon :( being jobless is making me broke and bored :(
It's been a while since I've blogged so here's a short update on my life.
As most of my friends would probably know, I've just recently (unofficially) graduated from uni! "Unofficially" cause the actual graduation ceremony is held next year but I've already gotten my certs and can start applying for jobs and stuff.
So for grad trip we went to Krabi! Highlight of the trip was the super awesome Thai food that we ate at this restaurant called Khow Soy Restaurant.
Went shopping for food/snacks/drinks on the first day to stock up our fridge!
And this is the AirBnB apartment that we stayed in! Think it was relatively good for the price we paid..except for the fact that there were lizards in our room trying to mate......
But then again it's Krabi so I guess creepy crawlies/reptiles are common. Anws for those who are intending to book an AirBnB apartment for their upcoming holidays you can get $34 off here (for new users only)! Use my promo code okae ;)
Went to the night market at night to eat yummmyyy and cheap food!
Went island hopping and did water activities on the 2nd day! Honestly speaking though, I think the speed boat ride was more exciting than island hopping/snorkeling lol. When we sat in the sheltered area of the boat we were already kinda flying off our seats whenever there was a wave..which was like every few seconds! After we got back from one of the islands, we decided to move to the front of the boat, which was not sheltered and...we were literally flying in the air!! Like our butts practically flew off the seat and we were floating in mid air for about 2 seconds?! Hahaha but it was super fun though! Hands were aching after that cause I had to grab on to the railings for dear life (wouldn't want to end up flying into the ocean)!!
Went white water rafting on the 3rd day! Was quite fun too!! But the guys will splash you with water ._. and it was coldddd hahaha.
Super cute kittens at the place that we went to for massage! Meowww.
Andddd, presenting to you the BEST THAI FOOD I have ever eaten!! Omg, loved the Khao Soi so much that when I went back to Bangkok (will blog more about that trip next time!) I told myself I had to find Khao Soi that was just as good! I mean, how hard can that be right? But no, the one I ate didn't come close :( Idk how to describe the taste of this awesome goodness, except for the fact that everyone needs to try this!!! Sadly this picture doesn't do justice to the food :(
Yeppp that's about it! Will blog about my Europe and Bangkok trip soon! And I hope I get a job soon :( being jobless is making me broke and bored :(
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
x
So it has been a few days past my birthday and now I'm officially 23. No more feelin' like I'm 22.
Birthdays have always held a special significance for me. Not just my birthday, but those around me as well. Chances are if you're important to me, I'd probably remember your birthday. But I have to admit that at times I kinda get the days mixed up so I only end up remembering the month, during which I'd then proceed to check up on the exact date when the month comes =p
It might seem silly, but I often look forward to 12 midnight on the day of my birthday just to see who would be the first to wish me. Of cause ideally it'd be someone important to me, but..things don't always work out that way~
I remember the days I used to stay up till 12 midnight just so that I could be the first to wish that "special someone". Often times I think it probably meant more to me than it did to whoever it was. Oh well.
This year however, I got a surprise at 12 midnight! So I was checking my phone and waiting for my birthday to come like how I always do and suddenly I received a call from Nic. I was wondering how come he could call me and he said he was downstairs, to which I thought he meant he went out of his workplace to call me hahaha. But apparently he was below my house! I was quite impressed that he managed to surprise me and kept the fact that he ended his work early on that day a secret till then. I don't get surprised often cause I always seem to figure my surprises out and spoil them =p
And of cause, I loveeeeeee the present that he got me! Although this made me realise how fickle minded and indecisive I really am.
So the bag came in 4 different colours and I was just 1 short of having brought home every single colour. Yepppp, which basically means I brought the bag back to exchange TWICE. I cannot deal with myself. Long story short, I eventually ended up with the colour that I first set my eyes on. Moral of the story? Don't bother looking at other stuff and just settle on the 1st one you like! (yea always happens when I go shopping too -.-)
Anyways, just wanted to thank everyone who made it a point to wish me on that day! :)
//I originally wrote this post with the intention of addressing something that I've been thinking about, but while I was penning down my thoughts, it occurred to me that it might be a little too harsh. I figured I should just keep things lighthearted and end off on a positive note, so yeppp. Till next time, goodnight!
Birthdays have always held a special significance for me. Not just my birthday, but those around me as well. Chances are if you're important to me, I'd probably remember your birthday. But I have to admit that at times I kinda get the days mixed up so I only end up remembering the month, during which I'd then proceed to check up on the exact date when the month comes =p
It might seem silly, but I often look forward to 12 midnight on the day of my birthday just to see who would be the first to wish me. Of cause ideally it'd be someone important to me, but..things don't always work out that way~
I remember the days I used to stay up till 12 midnight just so that I could be the first to wish that "special someone". Often times I think it probably meant more to me than it did to whoever it was. Oh well.
This year however, I got a surprise at 12 midnight! So I was checking my phone and waiting for my birthday to come like how I always do and suddenly I received a call from Nic. I was wondering how come he could call me and he said he was downstairs, to which I thought he meant he went out of his workplace to call me hahaha. But apparently he was below my house! I was quite impressed that he managed to surprise me and kept the fact that he ended his work early on that day a secret till then. I don't get surprised often cause I always seem to figure my surprises out and spoil them =p
And of cause, I loveeeeeee the present that he got me! Although this made me realise how fickle minded and indecisive I really am.
So the bag came in 4 different colours and I was just 1 short of having brought home every single colour. Yepppp, which basically means I brought the bag back to exchange TWICE. I cannot deal with myself. Long story short, I eventually ended up with the colour that I first set my eyes on. Moral of the story? Don't bother looking at other stuff and just settle on the 1st one you like! (yea always happens when I go shopping too -.-)
Anyways, just wanted to thank everyone who made it a point to wish me on that day! :)
//I originally wrote this post with the intention of addressing something that I've been thinking about, but while I was penning down my thoughts, it occurred to me that it might be a little too harsh. I figured I should just keep things lighthearted and end off on a positive note, so yeppp. Till next time, goodnight!
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Boredom strikes
Hello world. It's the 1st of November and work starts in 2 days time. Gotta say a small part of me is kinda looking forward to it cause right now I'm just really bored.
And broke.
I really hope that my job would be something that I can stay on at for the next 2 months, cause if not I don't know where I'm gonna get the money for my Japan trip.
And yessssss, I'm going to Japan!! I'm so excited. Have always been complaining to my parents about why weren't they bringing me to Japan instead of the other Asian countries (Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong) which tbh, looks pretty much the same to me. Their reply was always that cause Japan was expensive and cause they've already been there before (without me!!). But yes, Japan reallyyyy is expensive :(
So yes, to prep myself for my upcoming trip I've been watching quite a few Japanese dramas and just attempted (before it stopped loading halfway) to re-watch Lost in Translation today! I've also been googling lotsaaa stuff about Japan hehehe.
Have been wanting to go to Japan ever since I started watching some animes a few years back! I wonder if Japan really looks like how it's portrayed in animes? Ah, but most animes I've watched seem to take place in the countryside or the beach side with those mountains that cars drive around. If you know what I mean haha. Oh welll, I'm sure Tokyo would be kinda pretty too!
Okay, that aside..the only other stuff I've been doing during my free time is watching TVD and Once Upon A Time. And sleeping.
Oh and reading Thought Catalog articles. Which when coupled with an abundance of free time..doesn't really equate to anything good for me and my thoughts. Wow, maybe that's why Thought Catalog is called Thought Catalog.
Okay, kinda side tracked and went online window shopping again. I've been doing that pretty much of late. I need boots and a coat for Japan so since I don't really have the money right now, all I can do is to just go to various online shops and look (literally) for the perfect one *-*
And yes, I need shoes for work too! All my shoes are spoiling one by one, sigh. I don't know whyyy.
Kay think I'm pretty much done here. See you when I see you again.
And broke.
I really hope that my job would be something that I can stay on at for the next 2 months, cause if not I don't know where I'm gonna get the money for my Japan trip.
And yessssss, I'm going to Japan!! I'm so excited. Have always been complaining to my parents about why weren't they bringing me to Japan instead of the other Asian countries (Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong) which tbh, looks pretty much the same to me. Their reply was always that cause Japan was expensive and cause they've already been there before (without me!!). But yes, Japan reallyyyy is expensive :(
So yes, to prep myself for my upcoming trip I've been watching quite a few Japanese dramas and just attempted (before it stopped loading halfway) to re-watch Lost in Translation today! I've also been googling lotsaaa stuff about Japan hehehe.
Have been wanting to go to Japan ever since I started watching some animes a few years back! I wonder if Japan really looks like how it's portrayed in animes? Ah, but most animes I've watched seem to take place in the countryside or the beach side with those mountains that cars drive around. If you know what I mean haha. Oh welll, I'm sure Tokyo would be kinda pretty too!
Okay, that aside..the only other stuff I've been doing during my free time is watching TVD and Once Upon A Time. And sleeping.
Oh and reading Thought Catalog articles. Which when coupled with an abundance of free time..doesn't really equate to anything good for me and my thoughts. Wow, maybe that's why Thought Catalog is called Thought Catalog.
Okay, kinda side tracked and went online window shopping again. I've been doing that pretty much of late. I need boots and a coat for Japan so since I don't really have the money right now, all I can do is to just go to various online shops and look (literally) for the perfect one *-*
And yes, I need shoes for work too! All my shoes are spoiling one by one, sigh. I don't know whyyy.
Kay think I'm pretty much done here. See you when I see you again.
Thursday, October 9, 2014
x
For the longest time, I always believed it was a forced choice. An "either"/"or" circumstance. One or the other.
I craved for the excitement that one would get on a roller coaster ride, the rush and thrill of not knowing what could happen. Like walking into the dark - afraid, yet you still kept walking forward cause although you felt fear, you couldn't hold back your curiosity either.
Like fireworks in the night sky, exploding just above your head. So far up and yet somehow it still felt so near. Something about it just ignites that excitement in you, making you feel like a little girl all over again. Looking up at the beautiful display in awe, wishing you could capture it but yet knowing you never could, cause it was just so fleeting. Just like how the greatest of things were - intangible.
But yet on the other hand I wanted something that was concrete. Something I could reach out my hands and touch. Something I could point to and say "that's it" and know that it was attainable, that it was within my reach.
Like snowflakes that fell from the winter skies. Constant, calm and predictable. I could just stick out my arm and one by one it would just fall into the palms of my hand as though nature made it that way. As though it was meant to be, made as though each snowflake was specially shaped that way and made that size just so we could catch it and admire it for that much longer.
Both snow and fireworks were beautiful in their own way, yet different in so many others. I wanted the excitement and yet I wanted concreteness and predictability. But how could all these co-exist?
I had almost believed it wasn't possible. But then, I was proven wrong.
I guess anything in life is possible. You just gotta keep believing and having faith.
Saturday, September 6, 2014
:(
I think I've officially lost my studying vibe.
Up until a few weeks back and also for the previous semester, I've been diligently starting on my assignments wayyy before they were due. I even studied my lecture notes during the first week of school when there weren't even any upcoming tests then!
But now I just feel like the most nua person on earth ._.
Just took a look at my latest assignment which was a 2.5k word report that is due in 21 days time and I'm just like......ok I'll start on it tomorrow.
But I don't know if "tomorrow" will ever come. Sigh, I don't know what's wrong with me. This is also really quite ironic cause just during class this week where we were role playing a therapist and client scenario, I was just "counselling" Dawn on this exact same issue.
I hate myself. I honestly do feel stressed, but I just can't bring myself to do anything about it.
Anyways, just now while I was browsing through Facebook I came across this advert for this website/app called Fiverr www.fiverr.com It's basically a website filled with ppl offering various services from just $5.
And one of such services is having your research paper/report researched upon and written for you. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?! I've checked the price range and I guess a 2.5k word report would cost approximately $40.
I want so bad to just say TAKE MY MONEY AND DO MY REPORT FOR ME PLS.
But...I can't cause I do actually take pride in submitting my own work ._____. BUT YET I'M LAZY. Contradictory much.
Sigh. Sometimes I ask myself what my issue is and I honestly have no answer to that question. Some people hate writing essays because they suck at it and I guess that's pretty understandable. I know I should count myself lucky that most of the essays I've done turned out pretty decent, but still I find myself not feeling motivated.
AND I DON'T KNOW WHY.
...
Okay actually I do have a sight idea as to why I might be lacking motivation to do anything lately.
It's probably cause I have too much free time on hand and I know it. Last sem when I was still attached, I was so motivated to complete all my assignments ASAP cause I didn't want to spend my weekends mugging at home. But now that I don't have a boyfriend anymore, I suddenly find myself with all the time in the world.
...All the time in the world to procrastinate.
Also, another reason why I'd choose to occupy myself with assignments would be to keep myself busy and to stop myself from moping around and making my own life miserable. Butttttt, now that I don't really have anything in my life that's bringing me down (except for assignments), I don't see a need for that either =/
Sigh, I'm so sick and tired of studying already. I CAN'T WAIT TO GRADUATE NEXT YEAR. NO MORE ASSIGNMENTS, NO MORE REPORTS, NO MORE ESSAYSSSSS.
But for now.......lemme just enjoy the last few hours of this night before I go to sleep and wake up to my 2.5k words report tomorrow. ):
I.will.stop.procrastinating.
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Sometimes I struggle with wondering what's right and what's wrong. I'll admit that I'm not a perfect person, but I'm not gonna apologise for that, cause none of us are.
I'm just so tired of hearing what everyone else has to say, of them telling me what I should or shouldn't do.
I don't know how to say this in a more polite way, but some people really should learn to fix their own lives first before trying to interfere with mine.
Don't get me wrong, of cause I'd appreciate it if someone were to give me advise out of pure goodwill, but how many people are actually that genuine? Most of the time people find and point out flaws in your actions and decisions, just to feel better about themselves.
I might sound like I'm just being overly cynical, but really, if a person truly has your best interest at heart, would they only be there when the opportunity arises for them to point out your flaws? How about all those other times when you needed their help and yet they weren't there?
It's funny how all these people can claim that they care, but yet the only time they have anything to say is when you've done something supposedly "wrong".
------
On another note, quite a lot of stuff has happened lately which left me with quite a bit to think about.
I hate to admit it, but I guess I was wrong in choosing to believe in the good of certain people. So many a time people would tell me, so and so isn't worth your time, he isn't a good friend/he isn't a good person/he is just making use of you/he is just toying with you.
But me being the hopeless believer of being innocent until proven guilty, would always choose to believe in the positive.
I'm the kind of person who would do my best to help you out if I really regarded you as a close friend, and even more so if I was mildly interested in you. For the latter, I'd understand if I don't get anything back cause love's a gamble after all. But as a friend, although I wouldn't really expect you to do anything for me, but I do expect you to at least show that our friendship actually means something to you.
But it's okay, people being people, they always tend to disappoint. I guess I should be used to it by now.
I keep telling myself to learn from the past and to stop believing so much in the good of others to the point of nativity, but I guess the idealist in me still tells me that "just cause all these people have proven you wrong, it doesn't mean that everyone else you meet in the future will".
So here's to giving up on those that aren't worth your time and to (hopefully) whatever good the future brings.
I'm just so tired of hearing what everyone else has to say, of them telling me what I should or shouldn't do.
I don't know how to say this in a more polite way, but some people really should learn to fix their own lives first before trying to interfere with mine.
Don't get me wrong, of cause I'd appreciate it if someone were to give me advise out of pure goodwill, but how many people are actually that genuine? Most of the time people find and point out flaws in your actions and decisions, just to feel better about themselves.
I might sound like I'm just being overly cynical, but really, if a person truly has your best interest at heart, would they only be there when the opportunity arises for them to point out your flaws? How about all those other times when you needed their help and yet they weren't there?
It's funny how all these people can claim that they care, but yet the only time they have anything to say is when you've done something supposedly "wrong".
------
On another note, quite a lot of stuff has happened lately which left me with quite a bit to think about.
I hate to admit it, but I guess I was wrong in choosing to believe in the good of certain people. So many a time people would tell me, so and so isn't worth your time, he isn't a good friend/he isn't a good person/he is just making use of you/he is just toying with you.
But me being the hopeless believer of being innocent until proven guilty, would always choose to believe in the positive.
I'm the kind of person who would do my best to help you out if I really regarded you as a close friend, and even more so if I was mildly interested in you. For the latter, I'd understand if I don't get anything back cause love's a gamble after all. But as a friend, although I wouldn't really expect you to do anything for me, but I do expect you to at least show that our friendship actually means something to you.
But it's okay, people being people, they always tend to disappoint. I guess I should be used to it by now.
I keep telling myself to learn from the past and to stop believing so much in the good of others to the point of nativity, but I guess the idealist in me still tells me that "just cause all these people have proven you wrong, it doesn't mean that everyone else you meet in the future will".
So here's to giving up on those that aren't worth your time and to (hopefully) whatever good the future brings.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
Sun, sand, sea
Have you ever just looked up at the clouds as you run? You keep running and running, but somehow you never seem to get any much closer to the clouds as you were minutes ago. But I guess there's beauty in things that are unreachable as well, cause if you can't reach it, you'll always have something to run towards.
I guess that isn't all that bad, as compared to the things you chase after, only for the journey to end as you reach your destination.
And I suppose that's why the things you can never reach will always be the most beautiful.
Today I made an impromptu decision to run to the beach from my house, cause I was pretty much bored of the same old route I'd run each time around the reservoir. I thought I was mad, cause just cycling to the beach was enough to tire me out and yet here I am running approximately 6km just to get there on foot. (Not to mention, I jumped across a huge drain, walked through tall wet grass and attempted to Lara Croft my way over another scarier drain...)
But I'm glad I did cause today's run was really therapeutic. I absolutely loved the scenery surrounding the park connector from my house to ECP. I've had a lot on my mind recently, but running really did help to clear some thoughts.
I've been wanting to go to the beach for quite awhile now, but I never did find the right company. Somehow just sitting by the vast ocean, it feels like all your worries are a million miles away. I really could just sit there all day, looking out into the sea, just watching the boats floating far off in the distance and also the occasional plane that departs from the airport, and wishing that I was on it instead of looking up at it from where I am..
I guess that isn't all that bad, as compared to the things you chase after, only for the journey to end as you reach your destination.
And I suppose that's why the things you can never reach will always be the most beautiful.
Today I made an impromptu decision to run to the beach from my house, cause I was pretty much bored of the same old route I'd run each time around the reservoir. I thought I was mad, cause just cycling to the beach was enough to tire me out and yet here I am running approximately 6km just to get there on foot. (Not to mention, I jumped across a huge drain, walked through tall wet grass and attempted to Lara Croft my way over another scarier drain...)
But I'm glad I did cause today's run was really therapeutic. I absolutely loved the scenery surrounding the park connector from my house to ECP. I've had a lot on my mind recently, but running really did help to clear some thoughts.
I've been wanting to go to the beach for quite awhile now, but I never did find the right company. Somehow just sitting by the vast ocean, it feels like all your worries are a million miles away. I really could just sit there all day, looking out into the sea, just watching the boats floating far off in the distance and also the occasional plane that departs from the airport, and wishing that I was on it instead of looking up at it from where I am..
Monday, July 28, 2014
Chasing clouds.
Every time I look up at the sky, I'd marvel at how big and vast the sky really is. Those big fluffy clouds that cover the skies somehow bring about a whole new depth and dimension, like as though a whole new world could possibly exist up there.
Ever since young I've been so deeply fascinated with all the elements that existed up in the skies; the stars, the moon, the sun, the clouds, and of cause the occasional rare appearance of the rainbow. I remember how when I was kid, I used to look up at the moon whenever I was travelling in the car and I'd be so amazed at how I'd still be able to see the moon no matter where I went.
The same went for all the other objects up in the sky. It's so amazing to know that no matter where you are, you'd be looking up at the same sky. The same moon, the same stars, the same clouds.
It almost felt like they were following you around and that made you feel special. But we all know that reality was the other way round instead.
The moon doesn't shadow us, the clouds don't hover above us alone, and we're definitely not the only ones under this vast sky. Ultimately, the truth was that we were the ones chasing after clouds and rainbows. Something so unattainable, so far fetched from what reality deems as possible.
And yet, we still continue to do so cause we're just so blown away by the beauty of it all.
But maybe it's really time for me to stop chasing after clouds.
Monday, July 21, 2014
After all that's said and done;
Some people come into your live and act as a catalyst, speeding up the process of things that are supposed to happen, but at the end of it all they still remain unchanged and your lives don't intertwine.
Then there are some that act as a reactant, with their appearance in your life causing a chain of events to occur. They'll always be part of the reason why you are where you are today, but their existence only goes as far as being part of that particular chain of events and not with you in the present.
And finally there are those that come as a spark, small yet having the power to ignite the biggest of flames. These are the people that are able to light up the darkest parts of your soul, allowing you to see things for what they actually are and make the path you're travelling on so much easier. This fire will burn so bright and spread so wide, you'll know that no matter where you go, or how many years it is from now, its flame will never be extinguished.
I realised that so often people come into our lives, create such beautiful memories, only to end up leaving when their time's due. It could be friends that you've made during a particular school term, friends that you spent so much time with, hung out with almost everyday, but yet after that particular phase of your life is over, all that's left of them are old instagram photos and a number in your phone book.
Or it could be someone you were potentially interested in. Maybe he/she was a friend's friend or someone you met at a party; you text for awhile, went out a couple of times or two and within this short span of time you talked about anything and everything, sharing about your life stories, goals and dreams.
But eventually things don't work out, you stop talking, and that's when you realise that there's someone out there that knows so much about you and vice versa, but yet your lives will never intertwine and you'll probably never meet each other again. It's a funny feeling when you also realise you were never that much a part of each other's lives to even add each other on facebook, twitter, instagram or any other social networking sites. And that all they are now, and all that's left of them, is a phone number of which you'd probably come to look at in years to come and delete it cause you don't even remember who it belongs to.
It's really sad how friends and acquaintances come and go just like that. You can't really tell if someone's a catalyst, a reactant or a spark until the reaction has run its course. And sometimes you invest a little too much into someone, hoping that maybe that's the spark you've been looking for all these while, only to realise that it isn't the case.
But it's okay, that's just life and things in life have a weird way of working themselves out. We just gotta keep believing and have faith! Anws, this isn't an emo post..just feeling a little sentimental and nostalgic lately :')
Then there are some that act as a reactant, with their appearance in your life causing a chain of events to occur. They'll always be part of the reason why you are where you are today, but their existence only goes as far as being part of that particular chain of events and not with you in the present.
And finally there are those that come as a spark, small yet having the power to ignite the biggest of flames. These are the people that are able to light up the darkest parts of your soul, allowing you to see things for what they actually are and make the path you're travelling on so much easier. This fire will burn so bright and spread so wide, you'll know that no matter where you go, or how many years it is from now, its flame will never be extinguished.
I realised that so often people come into our lives, create such beautiful memories, only to end up leaving when their time's due. It could be friends that you've made during a particular school term, friends that you spent so much time with, hung out with almost everyday, but yet after that particular phase of your life is over, all that's left of them are old instagram photos and a number in your phone book.
Or it could be someone you were potentially interested in. Maybe he/she was a friend's friend or someone you met at a party; you text for awhile, went out a couple of times or two and within this short span of time you talked about anything and everything, sharing about your life stories, goals and dreams.
But eventually things don't work out, you stop talking, and that's when you realise that there's someone out there that knows so much about you and vice versa, but yet your lives will never intertwine and you'll probably never meet each other again. It's a funny feeling when you also realise you were never that much a part of each other's lives to even add each other on facebook, twitter, instagram or any other social networking sites. And that all they are now, and all that's left of them, is a phone number of which you'd probably come to look at in years to come and delete it cause you don't even remember who it belongs to.
It's really sad how friends and acquaintances come and go just like that. You can't really tell if someone's a catalyst, a reactant or a spark until the reaction has run its course. And sometimes you invest a little too much into someone, hoping that maybe that's the spark you've been looking for all these while, only to realise that it isn't the case.
But it's okay, that's just life and things in life have a weird way of working themselves out. We just gotta keep believing and have faith! Anws, this isn't an emo post..just feeling a little sentimental and nostalgic lately :')
Thursday, July 17, 2014
5 reasons why you should stop picking up your phone every 5 minutes
So I was listening to the radio today amidst the constant lamenting about a certain something in my head, when the DJ said something which caught my attention. She was saying something about how she used to be so addicted to her phone until one day she told herself to completely stop using her phone for the next 30 mins and how it was so hard, but once you did it once, twice and a couple more times, you'd eventually find yourself using your phone lesser and lesser.
I immediately went "yes! omg I need to do that" and proceeded to tell my friends that I'm not gonna touch my phone for the next 30 mins, which I..failed in less than 10 mins. Firstly, while crossing over to the opposite bus stop, I instinctively took my phone out wanting to check for the next bus time, before realising that I wasn't supposed to use my phone and gasped loudly, causing my friends to get a shock thinking that there was some creature or sth on the ground hahaha.
But what caused the failure of my plan to not use my phone was when I was overcome with excitement upon realising sth that I felt I had to immediately whatsapp the person involved about hahaha sigh. So anws, to ensure that I keep to my goal, here are 5 reasons why I (and all you other addicts out there) should stop touching my/your phone:
1. It allows you to actually live in the moment and truly immerse yourself in the present
So many a times I find myself using my phone whenever I'm out alone with nothing to do. So much so that I've practically mastered the art of walking (at a normal or faster pace) and texting/scrolling through news feeds at the same time. I was just thinking about the times when data plans and smart phones didn't exist and wondered what I actually did to pass time. Which made me realise that without this constant "distraction", I actually paid more attention to my surroundings, taking in the beautiful sights while on long bus rides or basically just letting my mind wander to thoughts of the day's happenings while taking long walks. I still do all these currently, but I guess just not as much cause half the time I'm checking my phone, looking for the latest notification.
2. You'll be able to spend proper quality time with those around you and actually give them the attention they deserve
Luckily, this is something I'm not really guilty of. Well, unless I'm in a big group and everyone starts talking out their phone, leaving me feeling all awkward and phone-less. Which honestly, happens quite often. I understand if you have to reply an important msg, or even to post a group photo on instagram, but when you're replying to your whatsapp once every 5 minutes or actually starting to scroll through your instagram feed, then that's just rude. Like okay, if your phone is more interesting than me/having a conversation with me, why are we hanging out again? And recently I was on the train and a couple boarded and sat directly infront of me. The guy immediately took out his handphone and got so engrossed in his game, he completely ignored the existence of his gf. All the girlfriend did was to put on a face of nonchalance, while gently putting her hand on her bf's lap. I mean okay, I get it that after a couple has been together for a considerably long period of time, there isn't a need to be in constant communication..but that image was just sad. Cause the guy just seemed so distant and as though he was in his own world..one in which didn't include anyone/anything else besides his phone.
3. No more "why isn't he replying me........." questions and dilemmas and also, you'll be turning the tables around
This unfortunately, is something I'm super guilty of :( Firstly, my phone is forever on silent mode hence I'd have to check it every once in awhile if I want to see if there's any new messages. Secondly, since I'm always checking my phone, I tend to see msges almost immediately as they come and reply just as quickly! Therefore if I'm texting someone that I'm interested in and everytime I check my phone there seems to be no reply, I'd start wondering if maybe "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU (me)". Which often times just lead me to distancing myself from the person, which would be the right thing to do at times, but at others it might just result in a self fulfilling prophecy cause..people do actually have other stuff to do besides checking whatsapp every 10 minutes. So if you check your phone lesser, instead of waiting for replies, you'll be the one making others wait for replies instead! And, you also wouldn't have to wonder why you aren't getting a reply cause by the time you check your phone, hopefully after a considerable amount of time has passed, your reply would be sitting there waiting for you instead! And let's face it, people being people, the longer you have to wait for something, the more you want it. So yes, stop checking your phone every 10 minutes and let someone else do the waiting instead!
4. You won't feel the incessant need to scroll through your news feeds just for the sake of doing so
I don't know if this only applies to me, but whenever I'm bored I find myself picking up my phone to check Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and even my email just because. And this happens even if the last time I checked them were just mere minutes ago. Like I'm just hoping that a notification or a new update would just somehow appear out of the blue to cure me of my boredom. It almost becomes like an automatic reaction. Sometimes I'd catch myself opening my email for the 3rd time in less than 10 minutes and wonder if I'm really all that bored. To add on (and I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that does this), instagram/twitter have somehow become our "morning newspaper". We'd lie in bed, scrolling through pictures of people partying the night before or the awesome dinner that your friend had and muse over how inappropriate all these seem early in the morning. Not to mention, we're wasting precious sleep hours on these social networking sites and hitting the like button, when the only button we should be pressing is the one that says "snooze".
5. No more hassle of having to bring a portable charger around
I have no idea how it's possible, but just the other day I woke up at 6.20am and by the time I reached school at 8.30am, my phone was left with just 60% of its life. Of cause it didn't help that my whatsapp was being flooded with group messages and that I was reading my "morning newspaper" on instagram/twitter/fb. Nuff said. This point is pretty self explanatory.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Take me away.
With school starting in less than a week's time, I really really need a getaway right now :(
I just need to get out of this country, doesn't have to be anywhere far, but just like to Malaysia, or Batam or something. Sighhhhhhhhh. Okay, but I guess that's not gonna happen cause well, you can't plan a trip in...2 days lol.
I really regret not buying the ticket to Perth when I had the chance. True, I'd be travelling alone, but some time and space to think about everything that's going on all by myself doesn't sound so bad right now. Damn, in fact I'd probably be returning to Singapore on this very date if I had actually bought the ticket!
:(
I really wish I was at the beach right now. Sitting on the breakwaters, taking in the air of the salty sea breeze, looking out into the endless sea, dotted with beautiful lights shining from all the boats. Sigh, I wanna go star gazing so bad too.
It's a pity we can't see much stars in Singapore. I remember when I at Tangalooma in Australia, every inch of the sky was literally filled with stars. It was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.
Ah well, maybe I'll do just that before school starts. Not flying to Australia of cause, but going to the beach. Might just cycle there! Hopefully my bicycle's tires still have air haha. I remember how I used to love cycling to the beach, be it Pasir Ris Park or East Coast Park. And then I'd just sit on the stone benches and stone. Haha sounds damn emo, but it felt so peaceful~
Anws, here's to a good semester ahead!
I just need to get out of this country, doesn't have to be anywhere far, but just like to Malaysia, or Batam or something. Sighhhhhhhhh. Okay, but I guess that's not gonna happen cause well, you can't plan a trip in...2 days lol.
I really regret not buying the ticket to Perth when I had the chance. True, I'd be travelling alone, but some time and space to think about everything that's going on all by myself doesn't sound so bad right now. Damn, in fact I'd probably be returning to Singapore on this very date if I had actually bought the ticket!
:(
I really wish I was at the beach right now. Sitting on the breakwaters, taking in the air of the salty sea breeze, looking out into the endless sea, dotted with beautiful lights shining from all the boats. Sigh, I wanna go star gazing so bad too.
It's a pity we can't see much stars in Singapore. I remember when I at Tangalooma in Australia, every inch of the sky was literally filled with stars. It was the most beautiful sight I've ever seen.
Ah well, maybe I'll do just that before school starts. Not flying to Australia of cause, but going to the beach. Might just cycle there! Hopefully my bicycle's tires still have air haha. I remember how I used to love cycling to the beach, be it Pasir Ris Park or East Coast Park. And then I'd just sit on the stone benches and stone. Haha sounds damn emo, but it felt so peaceful~
Anws, here's to a good semester ahead!
Monday, July 7, 2014
Ever had one of those moments in which it suddenly felt like you knew just exactly what you had to do?
I felt happy, maybe not the happiest I've been, but if I had to select a bunch of times in which I wouldn't mind reliving in the past few months, this would be one of them.
This made me realise that I probably wasn't living my life the way I should be. Life should be simple, but somehow I always find myself embroiled in issues I shouldn't be stuck in if it weren't for my own self.
School is starting in a week's time and as this holiday comes to an end, I hope I'll be able to start out on the new semester on a completely new slate. Time to start living a life that I'll be proud to look back on in years to come.
Thursday, July 3, 2014
Life is full of miss opportunities.
And somehow I always find myself beating myself up over that. I'd really like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but truth is, it's pretty hard to reason with myself at times.
I believe that one fine day, be it in the near future or quite some time later, I'd be truly contented. It'd be a day just like any other day, the only difference being the fact that I'm actually happier than I've ever been in ages. And on that day, I'd look back at all the things that once unfolded and be thankful for the way it did.
Miss opportunities are only missed opportunities at that particular point of time, because if missing out on that particular event results in an even greater outcome..I guess it would actually be an opportunity that was sized wouldn't it?
Anyhoooo, the events of today and the day before (ok, technically it's yesterday and the day before yesterday) has made me wonder if I'm actually living my life the way I would have wished I had lived 10 years from now. I'll have to admit that this holiday has been one of the more "non-wasted" holidays that I've had.
I've had work to keep me busy and I've been going out/meeting up with friends quite often during this term break. I guess it's an improvement since I didn't spend the bulk of my time sleeping at home and watching my shows??
I feel like a total sloth sometimes. But sigh, it's not like I don't want to do something meaningful, I just don't know what to do.
Or maybe I just don't have the right friends to do stuff with ._. Here's a list of things I wouldn't mind doing:
1. Exercising - I honestly wouldn't mind running every single day or playing some sport..if I actually had someone to accompany me.
2. Do some social work or go for some overseas CIP - once again, yea..I don't know of anyone who'd be up for that.
3. Travel the worlddddddddd - okae, or just go overseas to any one country. I mean, what's the point of having a holiday if you don't actually go on a holiday right??? But iz kae, I shall save my money up for end of year instead..
4. Work moreee - I really don't mind working..like I actually like being busy, but I just hate being bored. Yes, hard as it is to believe that I don't mind working, I really don't?? Just that most of the time I'm bored cause I'm not working with my friends :( SO I HAZ NO ONE TO TALK TO.
Yeppp that's about it. So conclusion, I need more friends hahahaha fml. Urgh but then again, it's pretty ironic cause lately I've been feeling rather introverted. Like if I'm in a place full of new people, like at a new job or something, I'd just shut myself up and not really talk to people =/ sighhh. I don't know whyyyyyyy. So unless I really feel comfortable with the person, or if the person really makes an effort to talk to me, most of the time I wouldn't even bother talking to anyone ._. or...well..unless I'm really really reallyyyyy dead bored. Okaeeeee..maybe this explains why I have no friends??!
The only people I go out with are from schooool hahaha. Which reminds me..I have a new found hobby!!!! And that is......................
Playing Avalon hahaha. It's basically this card game that I've been playing almost every week...we literally meet up just to play it lol #nolifemax
Well, at least now whenever people ask me what I like to do I can tell them that I like to play boardgames?? (today 2 people asked me what I liked to do during my free time and..feeling like the most judged person on earth, I told them that I stay at home and sleep.)
Okae I think it's time for me to sleep. Goodnight.
And somehow I always find myself beating myself up over that. I'd really like to believe that everything happens for a reason, but truth is, it's pretty hard to reason with myself at times.
I believe that one fine day, be it in the near future or quite some time later, I'd be truly contented. It'd be a day just like any other day, the only difference being the fact that I'm actually happier than I've ever been in ages. And on that day, I'd look back at all the things that once unfolded and be thankful for the way it did.
Miss opportunities are only missed opportunities at that particular point of time, because if missing out on that particular event results in an even greater outcome..I guess it would actually be an opportunity that was sized wouldn't it?
Anyhoooo, the events of today and the day before (ok, technically it's yesterday and the day before yesterday) has made me wonder if I'm actually living my life the way I would have wished I had lived 10 years from now. I'll have to admit that this holiday has been one of the more "non-wasted" holidays that I've had.
I've had work to keep me busy and I've been going out/meeting up with friends quite often during this term break. I guess it's an improvement since I didn't spend the bulk of my time sleeping at home and watching my shows??
I feel like a total sloth sometimes. But sigh, it's not like I don't want to do something meaningful, I just don't know what to do.
Or maybe I just don't have the right friends to do stuff with ._. Here's a list of things I wouldn't mind doing:
1. Exercising - I honestly wouldn't mind running every single day or playing some sport..if I actually had someone to accompany me.
2. Do some social work or go for some overseas CIP - once again, yea..I don't know of anyone who'd be up for that.
3. Travel the worlddddddddd - okae, or just go overseas to any one country. I mean, what's the point of having a holiday if you don't actually go on a holiday right??? But iz kae, I shall save my money up for end of year instead..
4. Work moreee - I really don't mind working..like I actually like being busy, but I just hate being bored. Yes, hard as it is to believe that I don't mind working, I really don't?? Just that most of the time I'm bored cause I'm not working with my friends :( SO I HAZ NO ONE TO TALK TO.
Yeppp that's about it. So conclusion, I need more friends hahahaha fml. Urgh but then again, it's pretty ironic cause lately I've been feeling rather introverted. Like if I'm in a place full of new people, like at a new job or something, I'd just shut myself up and not really talk to people =/ sighhh. I don't know whyyyyyyy. So unless I really feel comfortable with the person, or if the person really makes an effort to talk to me, most of the time I wouldn't even bother talking to anyone ._. or...well..unless I'm really really reallyyyyy dead bored. Okaeeeee..maybe this explains why I have no friends??!
The only people I go out with are from schooool hahaha. Which reminds me..I have a new found hobby!!!! And that is......................
Playing Avalon hahaha. It's basically this card game that I've been playing almost every week...we literally meet up just to play it lol #nolifemax
Well, at least now whenever people ask me what I like to do I can tell them that I like to play boardgames?? (today 2 people asked me what I liked to do during my free time and..feeling like the most judged person on earth, I told them that I stay at home and sleep.)
Okae I think it's time for me to sleep. Goodnight.
Sunday, May 4, 2014
Late night musings
Haven't written in this space for quite awhile, cause I've had nothing much to ponder about and nothing interesting enough has happened to trigger any thoughts in me.
But today I was just thinking about all the things that has happened in the past few months and years. It struck me how things could be so different right now if at any one point in my life I had chosen another route instead. Maybe made a different choice at crossroads, missed certain opportunities, or had taken a leap of faith at others.
You never know when certain occurrences are blessings in disguise. Maybe certain calamities are needed to get you to where you're supposed to be, or maybe "where you're supposed to be" doesn't actually exist.
Life is such a mystery. You never really know how things work; are there such things as fate, as luck or are everything just a product of your actions, within your control?
Sometimes I wonder if I've reached my destination in life; if I've finally found the right route that I'll be able to follow and smoothly sail to the end.
But then again, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm not because life is full of surprises. Maybe one year later I'll look at this post and muse over how true the previous statement is. Maybe one year later I'll end up somewhere I never expected myself to be. Maybe one year later life would be so drastically different from how it is now, so much so that it's something I'd never believe to be possible right now.
Ah well, but that's just how life is isn't it?
Surprise me.
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Life (?)
Life has been so mundane lately. Just the usual school work, job search, etc.
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be contented with life, cause it always seems like I'll want more. But the odd thing is, I don't really know what's lacking either. Something just doesn't feel right and I don't know what it is.
Or maybe what's wrong is that nothing's wrong. Maybe I'm just so used to finding a problem with anything and everything that I'm just not used to this. My greatest worry right now is that...I need a job??
Even that's not a really huge worry cause I'm not exactly broke. I just can't splurge as much as I'd like to. And I could live with that..as opposed to finding a job that I'll dread going to work for (i.e. promoting/f&b/any job that requires more than 5 hours of working time and lots of boredom)
I don't know if this sounds odd, but I kinda miss having something to think about. Something to hope for, like a miracle or a surprise outcome. I miss living for the extraordinary, for not knowing what's to come next.
I miss having a reason to think about life. Now that I don't, life to me is just the normal mundane stuff. Like school, work, money. And to me, that's bordering on a meaningless existence.
But then again, I know that if I have more to think about I'll just get so mentally worn out, I'd wish life was simpler (i.e. how it is now).
Sigh. So this is how life's supposed to be, I guess?
Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be contented with life, cause it always seems like I'll want more. But the odd thing is, I don't really know what's lacking either. Something just doesn't feel right and I don't know what it is.
Or maybe what's wrong is that nothing's wrong. Maybe I'm just so used to finding a problem with anything and everything that I'm just not used to this. My greatest worry right now is that...I need a job??
Even that's not a really huge worry cause I'm not exactly broke. I just can't splurge as much as I'd like to. And I could live with that..as opposed to finding a job that I'll dread going to work for (i.e. promoting/f&b/any job that requires more than 5 hours of working time and lots of boredom)
I don't know if this sounds odd, but I kinda miss having something to think about. Something to hope for, like a miracle or a surprise outcome. I miss living for the extraordinary, for not knowing what's to come next.
I miss having a reason to think about life. Now that I don't, life to me is just the normal mundane stuff. Like school, work, money. And to me, that's bordering on a meaningless existence.
But then again, I know that if I have more to think about I'll just get so mentally worn out, I'd wish life was simpler (i.e. how it is now).
Sigh. So this is how life's supposed to be, I guess?
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
x
Haven't updated this space in over a month. Partly cause I'm so busy and party cause I really don't have much to say. But yea, I feel so busy lately..I don't even have time to watch finish all my shows. I don't have time to think even. Time just flies by like that and suddenly it's about 2 months more till school ends??
You know how when you've been kept busy for so long, you kinda forget what it feels like to be free and have nothing to do? I kinda felt that way today..
Just spent my evening lazing around and my night just thinking about things..
And once again I find myself plagued with questions and uncertainty. I hate uncertainty and I hate not knowing how things are going to be like in the future.
Whenever I'm pretty contented with how things are in the present, it scares me somehow. It scares me to think that things might change eventually and knowing that some things will have to change eventually.
I wish I knew what the future held and I wish I knew that everything will be alright. But fact is that I don't and there's no way I can know that. All I know is that the future is uncertain, and that's the only thing I can be certain about.
And sometimes I wonder how much of what I'm doing right now would actually be worth it in the long run..
You know how when you've been kept busy for so long, you kinda forget what it feels like to be free and have nothing to do? I kinda felt that way today..
Just spent my evening lazing around and my night just thinking about things..
And once again I find myself plagued with questions and uncertainty. I hate uncertainty and I hate not knowing how things are going to be like in the future.
Whenever I'm pretty contented with how things are in the present, it scares me somehow. It scares me to think that things might change eventually and knowing that some things will have to change eventually.
I wish I knew what the future held and I wish I knew that everything will be alright. But fact is that I don't and there's no way I can know that. All I know is that the future is uncertain, and that's the only thing I can be certain about.
And sometimes I wonder how much of what I'm doing right now would actually be worth it in the long run..
Saturday, February 8, 2014
x
Sometimes when things in my life are going rather well, I'd look back at the events that once unfolded and marvel at how things that I had once thought were insignificant, had actually played such a huge role in getting me to where I was eventually.
I realised how certain things that I had once felt down and out over, were actually blessings in disguise and feel rather thankful for them. And then there were other times in the past at which I'd be frustrated over a missed opportunity, only to realise that if I had never missed that chance, it wouldn't have led me to something even greater.
I guess sometimes we just gotta have faith that everything in life will work out eventually. There's no point fretting over what has been or what's gonna be, but instead we should just enjoy happy times as they come and when things get dark, know that there'll always be a light ahead, as long as we keep going.
I realised how certain things that I had once felt down and out over, were actually blessings in disguise and feel rather thankful for them. And then there were other times in the past at which I'd be frustrated over a missed opportunity, only to realise that if I had never missed that chance, it wouldn't have led me to something even greater.
I guess sometimes we just gotta have faith that everything in life will work out eventually. There's no point fretting over what has been or what's gonna be, but instead we should just enjoy happy times as they come and when things get dark, know that there'll always be a light ahead, as long as we keep going.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
ap·a·thy
[ap-uh-thee] Show IPA
noun, plural ap·a·thies.
1.
absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement.
2.
lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.
3.
Can't find a word more apt to describe exactly how I'm feeling right now. Or how I've been feeling lately, to be precise.
And I don't mean this in the "YOLO" sense, but more of the "yea okae wdv, what will be will be" sense. I don't even have the energy to give too many fucks about the things that are going on around me.
Maybe I just hate being thrown into complicated stuff or maybe I'm just an escapist, I don't know. Somehow it just feels like if I let myself care too much or if I get too easily bothered by things that are going on around me, I'll just end up being the one on the losing end.
I'm not really referring to anything in particular, cause life has been going pretty well lately. Maybe this means that I've successfully managed to distance myself from everything.
However, at other times I wish I could find it in myself to care more. Cause although not caring about things results in me not feeling unhappy, it doesn't make me feel happy either. I just feel bleah, like I'm in limbo or something.
Just waiting, to feel something.
And during those rare moments where I feel this little tinge of something, I start questioning it and looking too closely into it until it eventually just fades away. I then end up wondering if it was ever there, or if it was because I chose to believe it wasn't.
And I don't mean this in the "YOLO" sense, but more of the "yea okae wdv, what will be will be" sense. I don't even have the energy to give too many fucks about the things that are going on around me.
Maybe I just hate being thrown into complicated stuff or maybe I'm just an escapist, I don't know. Somehow it just feels like if I let myself care too much or if I get too easily bothered by things that are going on around me, I'll just end up being the one on the losing end.
I'm not really referring to anything in particular, cause life has been going pretty well lately. Maybe this means that I've successfully managed to distance myself from everything.
However, at other times I wish I could find it in myself to care more. Cause although not caring about things results in me not feeling unhappy, it doesn't make me feel happy either. I just feel bleah, like I'm in limbo or something.
Just waiting, to feel something.
And during those rare moments where I feel this little tinge of something, I start questioning it and looking too closely into it until it eventually just fades away. I then end up wondering if it was ever there, or if it was because I chose to believe it wasn't.
Saturday, January 25, 2014
January
Helloo, the 1st month of 2014 is coming to an end and I'm glad to say that I've already managed to fulfil 2 new year resolutions!! ^^
Andddd I've also managed to lose weight...and gained it back. But I'm still lighter than I was last year, so yea lol. I can't really be surprised considering how much I've been eating during normal working days...sigh.
My usual daily consumption of food goes sth like this:
1. Heavy breakfast (think pasta with cream or rice with curry veggie + another random veggie)
2. Small snack at about 11am (bread/curry puff/wdv I feel like eating that day)
3. Heavy lunch (like um..medium sized hokkien mee or rice with 4 dishes...)
4. Small snack for after lunch (twister fries/ice cream/wdv I feel like eating that day)
5. Dinner (whatever mummy cooks or if I go out......- to be elaborated on later)
Okae..typing this really scares me cause I can totally feel all the calories building up inside of me and turning into fats :( but I can't help it!! I'm reallyyy hungry! Usually if I don't go to work, I'll wake up at about 12/1+ and skip breakfast..and my lunch would just be rice with 1 portion of curry veggie and a hard boiled egg, which I only eat half of cause I don't like to eat the yolk (= less fattening). Oh yes and usually when I wake up so late, I don't feel hungry so I only eat half my rice! Or less.
And usually when I don't have work, I'd be too lazy to go out for dinner so I just stay at home and eat whatever mummy cooks.
But this month I've eaten..TWO BUFFETS (1 was a semi buffet, but still..) IN 3 WEEKS. T____T
And many other very very filling meals.
If I haven't been running regularly I'd probably gain about 5kg or something..): Sigh pie.
Anws, that aside, I'm still so proud of myself cause I've been running quite often! ^^ I'm surprised I could actually drag myself out to run even after working for 9 hours *-* hahaha. Lazy is not meeee! Hehehe. But idk why I always feel damn hungry after running, soo.......yea, you guessed it, more food :(
Urgh, I must have been a pig reincarnated. Andddddddd..I'm gonna go eat my lunch now. Bye.
4. Stay on in my job until school starts! If I can't stay on in a job that pays me to play games, I really don't know what to say lol. But then again....there are many things that are important in job satisfaction besides passion and money, soooo ._.Work ends next week! Which means I'll be working for 4 weeks consecutively, Monday to Friday hehehe. #achievementunlocked
5. Lose weight. Or maybe my resolution should be to exercise or eat less or something hahaha. Sighhhhh. Or maybe to be less lazy. Idk why I'm so lazyyyyyyy. ):
Andddd I've also managed to lose weight...and gained it back. But I'm still lighter than I was last year, so yea lol. I can't really be surprised considering how much I've been eating during normal working days...sigh.
My usual daily consumption of food goes sth like this:
1. Heavy breakfast (think pasta with cream or rice with curry veggie + another random veggie)
2. Small snack at about 11am (bread/curry puff/wdv I feel like eating that day)
3. Heavy lunch (like um..medium sized hokkien mee or rice with 4 dishes...)
4. Small snack for after lunch (twister fries/ice cream/wdv I feel like eating that day)
5. Dinner (whatever mummy cooks or if I go out......- to be elaborated on later)
Okae..typing this really scares me cause I can totally feel all the calories building up inside of me and turning into fats :( but I can't help it!! I'm reallyyy hungry! Usually if I don't go to work, I'll wake up at about 12/1+ and skip breakfast..and my lunch would just be rice with 1 portion of curry veggie and a hard boiled egg, which I only eat half of cause I don't like to eat the yolk (= less fattening). Oh yes and usually when I wake up so late, I don't feel hungry so I only eat half my rice! Or less.
And usually when I don't have work, I'd be too lazy to go out for dinner so I just stay at home and eat whatever mummy cooks.
But this month I've eaten..TWO BUFFETS (1 was a semi buffet, but still..) IN 3 WEEKS. T____T
And many other very very filling meals.
If I haven't been running regularly I'd probably gain about 5kg or something..): Sigh pie.
Anws, that aside, I'm still so proud of myself cause I've been running quite often! ^^ I'm surprised I could actually drag myself out to run even after working for 9 hours *-* hahaha. Lazy is not meeee! Hehehe. But idk why I always feel damn hungry after running, soo.......yea, you guessed it, more food :(
Urgh, I must have been a pig reincarnated. Andddddddd..I'm gonna go eat my lunch now. Bye.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
x
Today I realised how the smallest (or maybe not so small) of actions from just one individual is enough to cause a ripple of effects and repercussions to those around them. This spreads on to the others around these people and the chain continues.
Sometimes it may be for the best, but at other times you wonder why you have to suffer for the choices of others. All it takes is for one selfish individual to do something stupid and heartless, and just like that a whole chain of effect is set into place. Something which started off having absolutely nothing to do with you and yet somehow you find yourself being unwittingly drawn into it.
But that's just life isn't it? Life isn't fair, you just gotta accept it and suck it up.
Then again, when wondering if things would have turned out differently..a little voice inside tells me, "probably not".
Sometimes it may be for the best, but at other times you wonder why you have to suffer for the choices of others. All it takes is for one selfish individual to do something stupid and heartless, and just like that a whole chain of effect is set into place. Something which started off having absolutely nothing to do with you and yet somehow you find yourself being unwittingly drawn into it.
But that's just life isn't it? Life isn't fair, you just gotta accept it and suck it up.
Then again, when wondering if things would have turned out differently..a little voice inside tells me, "probably not".
Sunday, January 12, 2014
Life.
Time has been passing real fast lately..sigh. Just like that one week of work is over and so is the weekends. Tomorrow it'll be back to work again =/
Don't get me wrong, it's not that I dread work or anything, just that it feels weird to have time pass so fast.
Makes me wonder if this is how life is going to be 5 to 10 years from now, after I've graduated and started on a full time job. Waking up early in the mornings, going off to work, lunch with colleagues, going back to work and then knocking off. All these happens in a span of approximately 10 hours but within those 10 hours, it feels like I've only truly lived for much less.
After work it's just heading home, going to the gym, having dinner and then I use the comp for a little while, watch tv for an hour, back to the comp and then it's off to bed.
As of right now, this has gone on for 5 days and it'll be my routine for the next few weeks to come. And in time to come, this might actually be how life will be like for years after I've graduated.
I wonder how weekends would be like in the future.Thinking about it scares me sometimes, cause as of right now I really don't know how things would be like in about 5 years time. It scares me to think that I might be living a meaningless existence, stuck in a dead end job that I'm not passionate about, struggling to make ends meet and also not having found the one that I'd be spending the rest of my life with as well.
And to think about it, that's pretty much how my life is right now. I'm in a job that isn't exactly my passion; not saying that I don't like my job, just that it wouldn't be something I would want to do for the rest of my life. And spending money on lunch everyday is making me broke. Which is quite ironic actually, cause when I'm not working I don't actually spend money cause there's nothing that I need to buy and I don't go out much lol. And of cause, I'm not seeing anyone right now so..I've clearly not found the one either.
Oh well, gotta stop worrying so much about the future and start focusing on the present. Afterall, the future is determined by what you do in the present, so it's time to get my act together and focus on things that'll matter in the long run (:
Thursday, January 2, 2014
To everyone who made my 2013 awesome!
//Okae so I wrote this 10 days before the end of 2013 (with the exception of event number 12, 13 and 14..in fact 14 was just written today ._.) but I kept editing it along the way and was actually debating on whether or not I should even post this hahaha. It wasn't only until.....today..which is 2 days after 2014 ._. that I decided to post it haha.//
2013 is coming to an end in 10 days time and so it's time to sum up the happenings of this year! At the beginning of the year I made it a point to keep a tin in which I'd fill up with happy things.
4. Okay, this 4th one is a little superficial, but I guess I was kinda happy at that point of time so I wrote it down hahaha. So there was this guy I met and thought was kinda cute (shall not say where I met him, cause I scared he might read it and then it'll be too obvious!!) and he messaged me! Hehehe. But nothing really happened between us though. We just went out a few times and after the starting "oh so cute" phase wore off, I realised he wasn't that cute anymore hahahahaha. Anws, he wasn't my type and I guess I wasn't his either. Urgh, but yea he kinda impacted my life a little at that point of time and that's why I'm writing this down lol ._.
5. And somewhere in the middle of my school term I flew off again! For work this time hehe. How cool is that! Free flight and lodging overseas ^^ but it was only to Malaysia though haha. Ohhh and I saw Spencer (idk what's her real name lol) from Pretty Little Liars cause she made an appearance with her boyfriend at the event I was working for! ^^
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2013 is coming to an end in 10 days time and so it's time to sum up the happenings of this year! At the beginning of the year I made it a point to keep a tin in which I'd fill up with happy things.
In other words, every time something good happened, I'd make it a point to write it down and keep it inside the tin. Yeppps, so lets see what I have!!
Just picking out some of the things I wrote down:
1. Caught the pretty fireworks! Ended the previous year by counting down to 2013 with Belle and caught the fireworks just outside MBS ^^ It was really pretty and so hugeee right infront of our faces! Definitely a sight to be remembered.
2. Somewhere in the beginning of January I finally quitted my unethical job ._. but for the record, the job was really quite fun cause of the company! It was one job I actually looked forward going to and didn't have to constantly check my watch and wonder when it was gonna end.
3. Went to Hong Kong in the beginning of the year too! First time going to that country and it was really quite fun ^^ loved the cold weather, loved the food, loved the scenery. Would have loved the shopping too, if they weren't selling winter clothes hahaha.
Macau!
Hong Kong Disneyland, where dreams come truee~! ^^
4. Okay, this 4th one is a little superficial, but I guess I was kinda happy at that point of time so I wrote it down hahaha. So there was this guy I met and thought was kinda cute (shall not say where I met him, cause I scared he might read it and then it'll be too obvious!!) and he messaged me! Hehehe. But nothing really happened between us though. We just went out a few times and after the starting "oh so cute" phase wore off, I realised he wasn't that cute anymore hahahahaha. Anws, he wasn't my type and I guess I wasn't his either. Urgh, but yea he kinda impacted my life a little at that point of time and that's why I'm writing this down lol ._.
5. And somewhere in the middle of my school term I flew off again! For work this time hehe. How cool is that! Free flight and lodging overseas ^^ but it was only to Malaysia though haha. Ohhh and I saw Spencer (idk what's her real name lol) from Pretty Little Liars cause she made an appearance with her boyfriend at the event I was working for! ^^
Love the views from aeroplanes!
The awesome food we got to eat after the event (all this for 3 ppl!!). Hehe we had a free lunch treat from my boss the next day too, before flying back to Singapore ^^
6. And then midway through school term I decided to dye my hair some YOLO colour together with Krystal and Wanfen! Totally felt like a My Little Pony back then hahaha, woo~ happy was me ^^ it was quite AA though hahaha I still remember how I felt everyone's eyes on me when I first walked up the bus immediately after dyeing my hair. And when the 3 of us were walking around school together lol! But I'd totally do it again if only the colours didn't fade to such an ugly shade of..blue-ish/grey-ish colour ._.
7. And then it was my 21st birthday! Hosted my own party for the first time and woah, the amount of time I spent on it trying to make it perfect hahaha. But yea, didn't turn out quite as expected and I was also kinda sick on that day ._. suay or whattt. Still it was a memorable experience; thanks to everyone who came and made it awesome ^^
Is my hair colour in this pic pretty or whatt hehehe.
Sling + bingbing and all their plus ones! Second oldest group of friends (except for Lisa and Angie who I only knew in sec 3 hahaha)
And the people who would probably win best dressed contest if I had held such a contest hahaha. Hehe, thanks for coming guys!
The JC people! Friends who made JC life more bearable and A levels less sucky (ok no, it still sucks) hahaha. And also special thanks to Wen Xuan who helped me take so many awesome photos! ^^
And my uni friends! The people that I'll be spending my next 1 and a half years with ^^ Also, big thanks to those who came early and helped with the set up!!
My work mates who made work so much more fun and enjoyable! ^^
And the group I call miscellaneous hahaha. I meant that in all good-hearted ness okae! So thankful to them for coming despite not knowing much people at my party! Especially xbl, who didn't know anyone else but still came! Hehe one of my old friends too. The only other friend I'm still in contact with since my maple days! =p who said you can't make real friends online!
Pardon my retarded face, but this is the only photo I took with them alone, so it'll have to do hahaha. Yepps, the people who made my party possible aka my parents! They were the ones who paid for everything..and then grumbled about whyyy I always spend so much money ._. hahaha oh well.
8. Went on my 2nd (or 3rd if you count the work trip) holiday this year! To Bangkok with Bingbing and Amanda! Big thanks to Bingbing and her mummy for letting us stay in their house and bringing us around hehehe. And damn, I miss bkk!! Need to go back there soooooonn! And I'm always amazed whenever people travel with me and don't end up cutting off our friendship whenever we're back LOL. But yea, think they're probably used to me already after knowing me for so long hahaha.
Looking at this picture makes me so hungry :( I miss Bangkok's street food!!
9. Got together with Melson. We broke up eventually, cause I guess we were just not right for each other. But still, he was one of the few nicest people to me, if not the nicest. Always tolerating and giving in to me. And bringing me whenever I wanted to go somewhere or whenever I had a craving for a certain food or wanted to cook at his house. He's also the first guy to buy me flowers and cook for me haha. I still feel kinda guilty about this whole r/s cause he really treated me like a princess and I really don't deserve it. Hopefully you'll find someone who really deserves you and we'll still continue to be friends!
Never really posted much photos of us tgt, but we both look nice here, so yay. (love my hair in this pic hahaha)
And he fulfilled my craftholic dream hahaha. My bunny Pinky!!
10. And then I got back in contact with neoguy haha really enjoyed the times we spent running together back then and just being retarded. Did the 2nd and 3rd most YOLO thing after dyeing my hair bright purple and pink - went running in a PSI 290 haze and sat the reverse bungee! (woo so now I've successfully sat BOTH gmax rides hehehe) We could have died. On both occasions x.x Haha but yea, glad we're on talking terms again, cause he is a great friend!
Just look at the haze!! In our defense, we were not seeking death cause we didn't know of the PSI only until after we ran ._.
And yea, he is probably the only guy equally retarded enough to sit down and colour a paper crown with me hahaha!
11. Got my driving license!! Took the longest time (slightly more than a year) cause I was such a lazy person hahaha. Sometimes I'd only go down to CDC once a month ._. I mean, I'm a busy person too okaeee. I have school and I need to sleep ._. But still! I got my license on the 1st try, so I'm still pro hehehe. And my instructor was pretty impressed that my driving is not bad, counting on the fact that I only go for lessons once every few weeks =p My daddy on the other hand..thinks my driving is horrible cause I drive too fast and break too slow hahaha. Oh and I can't do my vertical parking with just one turn of the steering wheel in one direction only. Pfft, he has too high expectations of me ._. At least my car is parked straight 90% of the time!!
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12. And lastlyyyy! I got the job I wanted at this kiddy place! Hehehe, I've yet to start work (cause they're not open yet) but I'm looking forward to it ^^ Oh, but I kinda applied for this job with Asiasoft a few days back hahaha. I figured since I've spent so much money on them in the past, this is one way to get it back =p so if they do hire me...then maybe I won't be working at the kiddy place so soon ._.
Okae, by the time I decided to publish this post I've already accepted the job with Asiasoft haha I'll be starting work next Monday! And the kiddy place apparently had its opening date postponed to somewhere in Feb so I might be working there on the weekends when school reopens!
13. (This isn't in my "jar of happy things" cause I just added this in today! Magical number 13 to end off 2013!) Had the 2 most awesome BBQs of the year to celebrate xmas eve and new year's eve's eve hahaha. Glad to be spending it with some of my oldest friends! Here are some pictures of them in chronological order starting from oldest to..least oldest hahaha.
Alvin!
Bingbing!
Korkor!
Amanda!
Lisa!
And Angie should be here as well but she is far far away in some awesome country hahaha.
14. By the time I decided to post this there's a number 14 already hahaha. Heck, it's not even 2013 anymore. So yea, spent the last day of 2013 with these awesome people. Safe to say, my last day of 2013 was great and the 1st day of 2014 was even greater!
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Yepp yepps, so that probably sums up all the stuff that made an impact on me in 2013! If you appear in my post (be it in pictures or name), thanks for making my year awesome! ^^
14. By the time I decided to post this there's a number 14 already hahaha. Heck, it's not even 2013 anymore. So yea, spent the last day of 2013 with these awesome people. Safe to say, my last day of 2013 was great and the 1st day of 2014 was even greater!
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Pardon my ultra unglam hair ._.
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Only glimpse of the fireworks that I caught hahaha :(
Yepp yepps, so that probably sums up all the stuff that made an impact on me in 2013! If you appear in my post (be it in pictures or name), thanks for making my year awesome! ^^
Anws, here's to hoping that 2014 will be an awesome year! ^^
Ps. I won't be keeping my tin of happy stuff anymore cause so much great things will happen, I probably won't even have time to keep track! Woo~
Till next year, BYE ^^
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